'Make 'Em Say Uhh'
Why does Master P sound so constipated in this song? Someone please get him some laxatives ...
'From a Distance'
"God is watching us, from a distance," huh? Yeah, he's no dummy -- less chance of hearing this from up there.
Madonna tries to get serious by pairing her stiffest beat ever with a high-school-level political rant.
'Boom, Boom (Let's Go Back to My Room)'
Doesn't the same idea just sound so much better in French? "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?"
'Love Will Keep Us Together'
Thirty-five years on, love has kept them together. The rest of us can stand united by our mutual dislike of this song.
'It Wasn't Me'
So bad it further corrupted lawyers. Meet the Shaggy Defense: Lying in the face of overwhelming evidence.
Six million people bought this piece of duck droppings in 1976. Not one of them would admit to doing so today.
Stream-of-consciousness writing might be better off left to slightly deeper thinkers.
'The Ketchup Song'
How could such an inoffensive condiment inspire a song that unfolds in so many different, annoying ways?
'You Light Up My Life'
Your grandparents probably love this and consider it a hip new record. Don't judge them too harshly, OK?
'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)'
We're halfway through our list! Doesn't it feel like your ears have walked through 500 miles of bad songs?
'The Bad Touch'
OK, yes, very juvenile, but the "let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel" line is pretty clever.
'(You're) Having My Baby'
Way to make "your" woman instantly regret deciding to embark on this wonderful adventure with you, buddy!
'C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)'
Sure, we'll ride this train. But only if you place every single copy of this record on the tracks first.
'I Touch Myself'
And the winner for the "Too Much Information for Social Comfort in Modern Rock Songwriting" award goes to ...
'We Like to Party'
If you live within a few hundred miles of a Six Flags adventure park, you've heard this 4,000 times.
'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)'
You wrote a theme song about yourself? What are you, a fictional band from a Saturday morning cartoon show?
'We Didn't Start the Fire'
'Blue (Da Ba Dee)'
This entire song is like one big ringtone that never ... ever ... ends. Answer the phone! Answer the phone!